Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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