so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
