do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Just pee around me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
