i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
