yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
