I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
