thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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