I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
