just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
