Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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