Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
