drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
