then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
