he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
