My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
