when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
