I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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