He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Success! We fucked roommates!
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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