Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
