Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
