I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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