I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
