Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
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