Dual....:-)
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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