He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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