Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
