You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
