I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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