He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
