and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
