you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
