You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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