can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
