So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
