eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my being single is dangerous.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
