dude i'm inner monologue high
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
