I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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