im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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