No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
