She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
