He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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