Just mADE A PArabola og urine
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
