I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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