Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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