I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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