Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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