my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
