Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
