my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i drank out of a bidet.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
