Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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