i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Who died my cat blue again?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
