I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
